


melting away (until there's nothing at all)

by krystian



Series: Unfamiliar Cadence [4]
Category: Code Vein (Video Game)
Genre: And all that jazz, Angst, Friendship, Gen, Gender-Neutral Protagonist (Code Vein), Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Second Person, Spoilers, To Eternity | Neutral Ending (Code Vein)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23146093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krystian/pseuds/krystian
Summary: After you defeat him, you assume Silva's place and responsibilites and you sleep - maybe for an eternity.But how do the friends and companions you made along the way deal with it?
Series: Unfamiliar Cadence [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668760
Comments: 9
Kudos: 66





	melting away (until there's nothing at all)

**Author's Note:**

> i said that this would be my last CV work like,, three works ago, so yeah. that's how im doing
> 
> Title is a reference to Eva's song [All of You](https://youtu.be/-PLOXPJ92r0) because I just really love Eva. alt title was "tired bird, sleep forever"

You always feel tired nowadays.

So, so tired, barely on the brink of consciousness, always fading into nothingness. The black around you feels as if it’s swallowing you whole.

There’s a kind voice beside you, calm and caring and it reminds you of someone, someone you’d known and cared about, someone dear to you. They are talking to you, slow and steady but they, too, sound tired and weary, as if they carry a great weight on their shoulders.

It’s Io, you realize – Io, in her tattered white dress and her kind eyes, full of fondness, gazing at you. She sounds so serious, helpless somehow, and all you want to do is open your eyes and comfort her, hug her and tell her she did a great job, but your eyes feel heavy and your mouth, your tongue, they don’t want to cooperate. Instead, she keeps on talking to you.

You know she will stay here with you while you rest, even if it means spending an eternity in this remote place. You just know.

Your hand is being raised – it’s not your own body doing it – and held against something warm, something living. It’s still Io, caressing you with soft touches and loving gestures. The trust you share, the bond that connects you, is dear to you, dear to her, and you feel your heart swell up with affection.

If Io is there with you, all will be well.

Her skin against your hand feels cold.

* * *

There’s nothing around you – all that there is, is darkness, unperturbed by anything.

You can’t see, your eyelids are too heavy to lift, and so you’re stuck watching the yawning void spread inside your head, consuming all thoughts you still possess and turning them into a mushy mess.

Nothing at all fills your mind, nothing but the fragments of images still stuck in your head, clinging to the convoluted twirls of your brain like chewing gum might stick to a shoe. A throne, tanks full of liquid, cobblestone – all of this is connected to the place you’re in right now, but even these pictures mingle and mix with everything else you’ve seen until you can’t distinguish one thing from the other.

There’s no way of telling if there are others around you, watching you, but your sluggish mind doesn’t care much either way. You are too tired to think about issues like that, and thus you fall into a deep slumber.

* * *

Someone clears their throat.

“Hello,” they start, and it’s unmistakeably the voice of a boy; no, rather a young man. His voice is kind and soft, a little like Io’s _(where is she?)_ but not by much – it’s deeper, more assertive somehow. Louis’ voice.

“I hope you don’t mind me visiting you,” he continues, not waiting for an answer. Not that you can give one. Your mind is drifting into unconsciousness again, the darkness eating away at you, biting chunks out of your memory. “I just thought we could spend some time together.”

It sounds as if he’s sitting down, his pieces of armour clacking against the old stone. Faintly, you can hear his joints popping. There’s a slight sound of rustling, something like a paper bag, which he seems to be fishing out from his pockets or someplace like that. The unmistakeable smell of oden and sandwich wafts over to you.

Louis chuckles; it’s nothing more than a raspy sound in the back of his throat. “I prepared this one for you, but I suppose you can’t eat it, can you? I’ll just-“ a few steps, advancing and something that brushes against your arm- “place it here, so you have something to eat when you wake up again, alright? Human food won’t satisfy you, but it’s still better than nothing.”

His steps fade away once again, and he sits down. You don’t know if he’s facing you or looking away, and it almost drives you mad, the uncertainty and lack of knowledge.

“You’ve missed a lot.” Again, he chuckles, accompanied by the rustling of paper, but this time it’s different, as if he’s thumbing through a book. “There was this one time where Mia and Nikola dragged Yakumo out into the Ridge of Frozen Souls, you know, for some reason or another-“ he pauses for a second- “actually, I think they said they wanted to build a snowman and no one can say no to their puppy eyes… anyway, as I was saying, they went out together and Yakumo came back half frozen, shivering and all. I’m not exaggerating when I say that his eyelids were frozen shut. He didn’t find it all that funny, and he spent the remainder of the day in the hot spring.”

You wish you could show Louis that you were listening to him, that you cherished what he did for you, but you can’t even manage a twitch of your fingers.

He doesn’t seem to mind. “I’ve started reading this book that you gave to me a while ago and… it’s quite interesting, actually. There’s this one quote that really stuck with me, though, here, let me…” He trails off, voice getting quieter and quieter. You imagine he’s skimming the pages, looking for the right passage in the book.

 _“_ Ah, got it. _Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.  
  
Everything passes.  
  
That is the one and only thing that I have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.  
  
Everything passes.” _

Louis is – once again – quiet for a while; all you can hear is his soft, even breathing. Then, almost hesitantly as if not wanting to disturb you from your slumber, “Everything passes. This, too, will pass and you will awaken anew, bring us new hope. Take your time on your journey, wherever you might be going. We- we aren’t humans anymore, we’ll never again be considered _‘humans’_ , but… we still are a society, we can pull through this if we hold together. Just… stay alive a little while longer, alright? We’ll surely find a way to help you if…” He doesn’t finish the sentence.

The Louis you had known back then- he used to be a lot surer of himself, but then again… you can’t remember much of what happened. All you know is that you have to keep on staying here, wherever that might be, and that you are tired.

It eats away at you from the inside.

* * *

Sometimes, there is some kind of noise down here – whether it be the dripping-sound of something wet falling into a body of water or the people hurrying by, stopping only shortly. There aren’t a lot of them, but it happens from time to time.

Sometimes when it’s especially quiet, you can even hear your own heartbeat, slow and steady, and the blood pulsing in your veins, showing you that you are still alive and, in fact, not dead just yet, even though it feels like it most of the time.

Silence is what accompanies you more often than not, though. And that silence is a lot louder, a lot more present than you had first imagined it would be. It fills your mind and your ears, makes your head swim with what might be your own thoughts but also something else, memories you can’t recall, that don’t seem like your own, flashes of things unknown.

It feels oppressive, really, but there is nothing you can do about it. Your only regret is not being able to listen to Io’s soft voice, but then again, for all you know she might just be out to help the others, so you can’t blame her.

For the time being, you’ll just wait for her, like an obedient little lapdog, delving deeper into the unknown that is your own mind.

* * *

Heavy steps are coming towards you, a stark contrast to the silence that feels so white and untainted by others.

They stop a few feet in front of where you are, waiting, as if asking you for permission to come closer. It’s stupid – there’s not much you can do in your tired state, besides being awake for a few minutes before falling asleep again, always dreamless, never restful.

Something clinks, glass against hard stone, but it’s not the breaking of glass, more so an object being placed on the ground as if making a sacrifice to a deity. You aren’t one.

A heavy sigh escapes your visitor’s mouth, deep and solemn. “Hey,” the man _(judging by the weight of his steps and the tone of his voice, you conclude it’s Yakumo)_ greets you. You want to greet back, wave or smile at him just a little, but once again your body disobeys, your mind stays quiet. “It’s kind of boring without you at the HQ, y’know? So you should really hurry and… wake up, I guess.” Yakumo laughs a little, but it sounds more dejected and forlorn than happy.

For a second, you wonder what you must look like in their eyes if they worry about you like that; unreachable, unattainable, maybe. “Anyhow, I brought you some stuff I thought you might like. I know Louis always leaves you these oden-onigiri-sandwiches things, but c’mon, that’s not real food, is it?” His voice is teasing, playful even, and in your mind there is a smirk on his face, tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Another kind of rustling, and the sound of a body dropping down on the hard ground, rummaging in a bag or something like that. “Louis doesn’t really like it when I drink either, so I’m just gonna leave these with you, alright? I’m sure you don’t mind.” Another bottle being deposited, this time somewhere behind you. You hadn’t heard him come closer, but your body is so sluggish you can’t even flinch at the sudden proximity.

Yakumo sits down near you, his breathing still even and calm. “I… brought you some onigiri as well. I didn’t know if you liked them or not, but Emily always did, so I thought- well, that it’d be worth a try.” He fumbles with something in his hands, wrapping paper maybe. It sounds hesitant.

“I’ll just – yeah, I’ll leave them here for you so you can eat them once you wake up or we find an alternative. Louis is already working on it. Seriously, that guy has no self-preservation drive.” Chuckling, dark, like the world around you. “Anyway, I promised to play with Nikola when I come back, so I should… get going, I suppose. Sorry that I couldn’t stay longer.” A warm hand is placed on your arm, skin touching skin, patting you lightly. “I hope you have some pretty sweet dreams.”

As if on the flick of a switch, your mind fills with cloudy thoughts and mist, too heavy to break through. Sleep once again embraces you with its awaiting arms like an old friend.

* * *

Your hand is resting on something hard, uncomfortable; an armrest maybe. Back pressed against the backrest, you sit there, waiting. For what, you don’t know.

The air is cold on your skin, cold and wet, a weird mix of contrasting sensations that linger on your skin way too long for you to simply brush them off. Now and then, you imagine you feel Io’s soft skin on yours, her warm cheek against the back of your hand, but if that’s the case, she’s staying quiet all the while.

Feet firmly planted on the ground _(cobblestone, always hard cobblestone)_ you spend what feels like years on your… your what? Throne? Are you sitting on a throne, slumped against it?

As if watching through fog you remember a throne room, devoid of almost all life, coated in red. Judging by what you feel and what you remember, that must be where you are right now, mainly because you don’t recall leaving the place.

Despite the seat being highly uncomfortable, as the throne is way too large for you, it feels like a good resting place, somewhere to spend eternity.

Fatigue overtakes your body once more.

Your hands try to grasp the armrest, clutching it, holding on tight, but to no avail.

* * *

Shuffling, near you, never too close but also not too far away. The person visiting you is quiet. Uncertainty gnaws at your thoughts, poisoning them and leaving you broken and tattered, always tired.

Careful steps in quick succession, a small person, a coat billowing around them. Mia.

She exhales deeply as she comes closer, her footfalls echoing in the grand room. “Hello,” she greets in her kind voice, still that childlike note clinging to it. You wish you could see what she looks like right now, if the lines of worry have disappeared from her youthful face, if her eyes sparkle with the will to live.

But you can’t; you never can.

“Nikola wanted to visit you too,” she continues, oblivious to your internal struggle, “but I thought it would be best if I didn’t take him with me. It would only break his heart.” She pauses for a moment as if contemplating what to say next, as if she’s unsure if she overstepped her boundaries. “I… Thank you, for bringing Nikola back to me. I never really… Thanks.”

There’s gratitude in her voice – gratitude that you don’t deserve.

Mia’s reached you now, she can’t be more than a few feet away from you. With nimble hands, she places something near your arm, something that emits warmth, something that reminds you of Io. It smells good, just like her; flowery and sweet. 

“I… I brought you some tea, it’s a special blend. But as I see-“ she chuckles quietly, probably hiding her mouth with the back of her hand- “Yakumo has already supplied you with some… interesting beverages, hasn’t he?” Oh, right.

You had forgotten about that.

“This tea is nothing special, I’m afraid,” she says, and you want nothing more than to open your eyes and tell her that that’s wrong, that everything she does is special and you vastly appreciate it. Nothing happens.

The heat near your arm warms you without burning you, just a reminder of physicality and human affection. It’s not a substitute, but it’s more than you deserve, more than you can ask for.

“I- I hope you’ll like it. We’re all working really hard to find a way to get you out, so I’m sure we’ll… we’ll find something. You won’t have to be here forever. I don’t know if you can even hear what I’m saying, but… just hold on a little while longer, alright? We’ll get you out of here, I promise.”

You can’t see her, but judging by how choked her words sound, you’re almost sure that she’s tearing up, can almost hear the drops of water hitting the ground, landing in the puddles of red liquid.

Her steps fade quickly after that, nothing more than an afterimage of what once has been.

Only the warmth of the tea stays.

Io would surely like it.

* * *

Down here, it always reeks of salt and dust, wet dust, floating in the air and clogging your nose.

Sometimes the irritable stench is driven away by the various gifts your friends and companions drop off, but most of the time it’s there, always in the back of your mind and filling your nose, your throat, everything.

It’s not that it’s particularly disgusting, it’s more of a thing that gradually takes over everything else until you can’t even remember what a flower used to smell like or what kind of scents lingered in the air when Yakumo cooked.

All these smells blend together, becoming one big mess until even that slowly fades into nothingness, disappearing into thin air.

* * *

Every approaching person could be an enemy, every pair of footsteps could belong to a stranger but somehow, even after all this time, you still recognize the people you’d spent what feels like an eternity _(but can’t be more than a few months)_ with.

Especially Jack.

His set of steps is unique, unlike the others’, heavy and sure of himself, never hesitant and instead knowing what to do. Maybe it’s because the two of you fought the Queen together, maybe because it was him who created a bond with you by trying to eliminate you, but there’s something.

Jack stops a few feet away from you, probably to examine the surroundings for whatever reason. You doubt they have changed much and even if they had, you can’t bring yourself to care. All you see is darkness, so even if it looked different, it’d be the same to you.

Sometimes you wonder if your friends looked different now, and you can feel the muscles in your eyes twitch before failing all the same. They feel heavy, hollowed out, and you don’t even want to know what the rest of you must look like.

By clearing his throat, Jack rips you out of your reverie, almost as if he knew you were thinking about something else. “Hey kid,” he makes himself noticeable, as if there’s any need to do that. “Just thought I’d pay you a visit once in a while.”

Even he sounds tired, and you’re pretty sure it’s because of Eva. You hadn’t really gotten to know her, or even him for that matter, but you could still see that the two of them had been very close.

He sighs, and it sounds as if he’s running his hand through his hair, sitting down at the steps leading to the throne. “I see that the others left some pretty good stuff for you, huh? You can consider yourself fortunate to have friends like them in trying times like these. But I’m sure you’d do the same for them, wouldn’t you?”

Jack knows that you won’t, can’t answer, but he waits nonetheless, leaves room for you to reply, to show that you’ve been listening. Somehow he still doesn’t sound disappointed when you don’t. His joints pop when he gets up, and you can hear him come closer, always closer.

Something grabs your hand, another human _(not human, never human)_ hand maybe, warm and alive, pulsating with blood beneath the skin. Jack’s hand, if you had to take a guess. Carefully, he puts something small, round into the palm of your hand, closing your fingers around it so they encompass the object. As fast as he had come, Jack steps back. “I know you gave it to me as a gift, but I want you to have it for now. Also, I… don’t want to withhold anything from you. It’s unlikely that you’ll ever wake up again, and even if you did, the possibility of frenzy would be way too high to let you keep on living. It would be Operation Queenslayer all over.”

Cutting himself off with a sigh, Jack’s voice fades into the background, consumed by the thoughts in your own head. “But don’t worry, until that happens, I’ll look after your friends for you. It’s the least I can do, after all. For the time being… sleep well, friend.”

He doesn’t say anything after that, and all you can do is listen to him leave, until even that is drowned out by the static in your ears.

Sleep comes easy; even if nothing else does, you can always count on sleep.

* * *

The taste of iron and copper lingers on the tip of your tongue, sharp and pungent.

It tastes of winter, of cold nights spent outside with barely anything to keep you warm, to keep you alive, but somehow, it also tastes of blood. Not your own blood, but rather that of many.

There’s something else, though. It’s sweet, just barely there, a fragment of a memory.

Ash coats your lips.

**Author's Note:**

> ok, first off, I know it's spelled Nicola but I dont like that, so I'm not going to do it. Sorry, if it ruins the immersion, but imo it sounds kind of odd
> 
> second, it's not really stated what happens to the relics of the successors you defeated when you get the neutral ending, is it? so I'm just assuming you take 'em as well and im too tired to check it rn
> 
> Louis' book is 'No longer human' by Osamu Dazai; if you have the chance, you should read it, it's really good. i wasn't sure if it should be murakami or dazai, but in the end i decided to go with dazai because his themes are just a bit darker, a little more hopeless
> 
> I'm currently really interested in CV for whatever reason, so if there's something you wanna hear about in a story, feel free to tell me :)
> 
> Ok but the gift mastery in CV is atrocious. I'm tryna get all gifts but my only way of doing so is by grinding MJs since I'm kind of overleveled which i didnt think could happen. I tried co-op but all distress calls i pick up are by people at lv 150+ fighting butterfly lady and farming marks. Jesus christ


End file.
